RIP Black Friday

There are several days I look forward to each and every year, but when it comes to unloading my earnestly-saved cash, Black Friday tops the list.

Black Friday is a fun tradition that my mom introduced to me when I was first married. We're not the die-hards that stand in 500-shoppers-deep lines to get through the front doors of a department store.  We're the smart ones who sit in the warm car and watch the line freezing shoppers elbow their way through the doors, pushing and shoving their way to snag the sales item of their desires and then pummeling their way to the checkout counter. Procuring ridiculous Disney-themed snow globes or some silly promotional crap was never our intention either. After the line had disappeared into the store, we casually exited our car and walked into "arena" of holiday madness. Honestly, we just loved to score great deals on gifts for our families and friends and if that meant getting up at 3:30 a.m. to shop, then why not? We were armed with hot cocoa and happy holiday spirits and always had a great time.

The day has grown to be more than just a fun tradition. You see, when you have two children with birthdays 10 days or so shy of Christmas, you come to recognize December as a triple threat. Making wise purchases within our budget is extremely important and Black Friday typically offers me the opportunity to do just that.

This year, however, Black Friday fell flat on it's now contorted and ugly face.

Problem #1: Black Friday began on Monday. Sadly, Black Friday is no longer that special day of the year reserved for purchase and profit--thanks to unprincipled and, dare I say, greedy retailers, it's now an entire week of profit for them. I'd be tempted to say that this is particularly advantageous for the consumer, but thats not necessarily the case and I'll touch on that later.

Problem #2: Black Friday became Brown Thanksgiving. What a stupid name! And what's worse is that retailers, high on the very thought of profit, required employees to give up their Thanksgiving plans to serve a desperately greedy group of consumeristic cannibals. I mean, who shops on Thanksgiving? Who is so incompetent that they cannot wait eight hours to shop the early Black Friday hours? Apparently, a lot of people. You read about the stampedes, the arrests, the fights. I saw people begging for their Facebook friends to babysit their kids, foregoing Thanksgiving dinners and get togethers to be the first in line at Walmart that afternoon. *deep breath* I'm a gung-ho capitalist, but not an avid consumerist. There is a line and retailers flirted with it last year before decimating it this year.

Problem #3: While, I would not describe myself as a die-hard Black Friday shopper, I would classify myself as a traditional Black Friday shopper. As I prepared to shop EARLY yesterday morning (online only this year, doctor's orders), I was disappointed to learn that the items I had most hoped to purchase had sold out the day before, or two days before, or at some point during Black Friday week. Bummer. As a Black Friday traditionalist, I became a Black Friday loser. There is no longer an advantage to waiting until the day after Thanksgiving to shop.

In conclusion. Black Friday died this year. She fell victim to Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday. Brown Thursday finished her off. By Friday, she was gone. Probably forever. Her death signals the death of tradition, my tradition, and probably the tradition of thousands of others who held Black Friday in such high esteem. So, RIP Black Friday. You will be desperately missed.