Lickety.....SPLIT!

Thanks a lot, Mother Nature for your freakish gale-force winds.
I'm sure our decimated willow thanks you too.

We anticipated losing a tree in the 50 mph wind last night, but had no idea that the sacrifice to this HELLatious storm would be the biggest beast of a tree in our yard!!!!

Cake.

Ordinarily, I'm not a channel flipper.
In other words, I don't mindlessly pick up the remote and scroll through hundreds of channels, casually narrowing down my options until I find the one show that is guaranteed to entertain. However, last night as I considered the pile of clean laundry on my bed, screaming "fold me," I powered on the TV in the hopes of finding something to keep my mind off the task at hand. A short stroll through my options and I found exactly what I needed. On TLC.

Culinary porn under the guise "Cake Boss."

Wowie! Wow! Wow!

An inexplicable and delicious thrill tingled through me as I settled down amongst the clean socks and jeans because cake is one of my most favorite subjects on the planet!!!!

Even more joyful was the fact that it was a back-to-back marathon of 'Cake Boss' episodes. Kind of explains the bag under my eyes today.

Clarke joined me, armed with a pile of insurance forms to be filled out. Like the fate of the laundry that sat untouched, the insurance forms were soon forgotten as we both stared in amazement and caloric delight at the screen.
Cake paradise.
Fondant. Butter cream. Chocolate.
Hello. Yum. Drool.

If you haven't seen 'Cake Boss' yet, you need to. But, be sure to wear a bib. You'll drool.



P.S. Clarke told me he'd kill me if I told anyone he watched a show on TLC and enjoyed it. So, shhhhh!

Where the Wild Things Are

If you've been waiting for an opportunity to sit in a dark, cold theater plagued with thoughts of gouging your eyes out, then 'Where the Wild Things Are' is the movie for you!

As for the rest of you who'd rather keep your eyesight and maintain your sanity: SAVE YOUR MONEY and AVOID this movie like you'd avoid self-mutilation, axe murderers, or politicians. I cannot begin to expound on how mortifying this movie is and explain the millions of reasons you should pass on any opportunity to expose yourself to such a monstrosity.

Maurice Sendak concocted an inventive and imaginative adventure when he wrote 'Where the Wild Things Are.' I sure hope Mr. Sendak haunts whoever took his brilliant, Caldecott-award winning classic and transformed it into a dribbling puddle of psychobabble goo because the makers of this unbelievably boring film deserve nothing less than eternal shame!

We've been looking forward to seeing this movie for a several months as it has long been a favorite bedtime story of my own little wild thing, Brock. In the story, Max, a precocious little boy, is exiled to his room after tormenting the household and sassing his mother. Sent to bed without supper. Then his imagination takes over and creates an amazing dreamworld filled with ferocious and curious monsters who are dazzled by Max and make him king of the wild things. They swing from trees and parade about the jungle. And finally, Max realizes that he'd rather be at home, where someone loved him best of all, than be king of the wild things. In the end, he sails back to the safety of his own room where his dinner is waiting for him.

What should have been a magical, imaginative movie filled with color and fun and care-free jubilation turned out to be a torturous two hours, drowning in self-loathing characters battling any number of psychological demons and a monochromatic setting set to dull, easy-acoustic FM radio. Hollywood's diatribe to the truly oppressed.

The only redeeming quality of the whole experience had nothing to do with the movie, but the theater itself, thanks to the red and green strip lighting illuminating the staircase. Thank heavens *something* caught the interest of my little wild thing because the movie held ZERO interest for either of us. We stayed, harboring the hope that the movie would get better. In hindsight, this was a hopeless and foolish endeavor.

Put your money towards the purchase of the remarkable story book and FORGET the movie altogether!

Aaarrgh!

Shiver me timbers!
Trading in his landlubber ways and abandoning the lightsaber and cape
for a swarthy pair of sea legs, Brock has become a scallywag.
Aye, the wee one has gone pirate rogue!

Prince-Phillip-the-Pirate-Jedi-Knight-in-Shining-Armor

Yowzers!

With Halloween just around the corner, we're faced with a ridiculous dilemma at our house: what is Brock going to be for Halloween????? One month ago the answer was crystal-clear-as-a-bell obvious.

Brock would be a Jedi Master. Duh!

Every morning he woke up, wiggled into his alphabet cape, squished his Bob the Builder tool belt around his middle, snapped on his black bike helmet, and brandished his lightsaber before coming to say "Good Morning." (Some days he would switch out his cape and helmet for a lifejacket and a fireman's helmet; still, he was fighting off enemoy droids just as any good Jedi)

Brock would speak about himself in the third person.

"This Jedi really likes peanut butter, mom"
"This Jedi is going to fight droids!"
"This Jedi needs a bubble bath."
"This Jedi is NOT going to bed!"

Clarke and I were cooking up a plan to surprise Brock, on Halloween, with a brand new lightsaber to go with his Jedi costume, as his current lightsaber was showing the wear and tear of a rough and tumble 3-year old superhero. I had researched Jedi costumes for some time and had come up with a brilliant plan to turn Brockie into a little blond Luke Skywaker.

And then, he got his first plastic sword and the Jedi gig was history.

Overnight he transformed from a Jedi apprentice into the sword-wielding Black Pirate Roberts and he adopted the psedonyme "Inigo Montoya."

Suddenly we were watching The Princess Bride everyday and sword fighting at every opportunity. He still insited on the cape and helmet for his pirate disguise, though, swapping out the lightsaber for the sword.

At any random moment of the day, Brock would instantly break out into a superhero stance and announce that Tyranna (tyrannosaurus rex) was climbing over our fence and he would dart outside, sword poised for action as he fought off prehistoric predators (who strangely looked a lot like two frumpy golden retreivers).

This lasted for about a week.

And then he saw the movie, "Willow."

Hello......knight in shinging armor, complete with a SWORD!!!
It's universally acknowledged that knights are infinitely more cool than pirates, right??

Brock wanted the whole costume: the armor, the helmet, the cape, the sword. You name it. We went to the library and checked out every children's book we could find about kinghts. Brock was captivated and sold on the idea of being a knight for Halloween.....and quite possibly forever as "knighthood" settled upon our household and Clarke and I just had to get used to the idea that Brock now slept with his sword instead of his stuffed dinosaur.

Whew! We have found our costume.....I thought.

But then....

Saturday night, Brock was watching 'Sleeping Beauty' with his cousin, KayleeAnn.
(No, he doesn't want to be a princess!)
As of this morning, he wants to be a prince now, more specifically, Prince Phillip.
Not only does Prince Phillip get the girl, he has a sword and he fights a dragon.

***

All day long, Brock is in character, whether its protecting our little country house from menacing droids or slaying dragons. Always in character and always in the same mismatched jumble of costume. That leads us to our current perplexing situation: what will Brock be for Halloween???

Get Your Spooky On!

Martha Stewart meets Better Homes and Gardens.
That was the look I had been imagining for weeks as I had contemplated how to haunt my house for Halloween. However, with a realized budget hovering within the ballpark of absolutely nothing, zero, zilch, nada, I had a tremendous challenge on my hands.
Here is how we got our "spooky on" with a budget of $0.00.

First, we grew our own pumpkins.
Freshly chopped:

Perfecto!
We attempted a few "GIANT" pumpkins this year and our efforts yielded two.
One lopsided and off color giant and one that looks like it rolled right out of the catalog for "perfect" gourds.
Mr. Perfect weighs at a hefty 45 pounds and dwarfs even a "giant" green apple.

Then, we spiffed up white lampshades with text using our printer and some transparent sticker paper that we had lurking about in a dark corner of our computer desk.
Cost: $0.00

Wrapping pillar candles with scrap paper and embellishing with ribbons is a fantastically
inexpensive way to make your candelabra scream "SPooKtAcUlAr!"
The cost to wrap my pillar candles: $0.00!!!!

Suspending spiders from chandeliers, ceiling fans, picture frames and lampshades
adds that certain sense of whimsical creepy that every Halloween house requires...
Cost: $0.00

Spray Paint!!!!

Spray paint=instant amazing, wonderful makeover!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE spray paint and make a point to keep several cans in the garage for those
rainy days when spray painting a picture frame, a vase, and yes, even the garage floor (oops!), can result in an instant happy makeover. These candle holders were "gray" yesterday morning when I woke up and "fabulous" when I went to bed last night...
Cost to go from geek to chic: $0.00

Who doesn't love a good hanging???

Give me two large squares of white fabric (cut frantically around the edges),
two balloons, some heavy-duty white thread, a honkin' big needle,
and some "texty eyeballs" and I'll give you two hanging ghosts!
Cost: $0.00!

Butchering our pumpkins won't happen for another two weeks, so we decided to take them from homegrown awkwardness to pumpkins disguised as something silly and sensational.
Not surprising, Brock fits right in...

Oh, alright. I concede the fact that I fell short of achieving my Martha Stewart meets Better Homes and Gardens Halloween house vision on my current budget, but it was sure fun trying!

Define "peace" because I'm confused....

The Cracker Jack Box

So the other day, I bought my son a box of Cracker Jack's. He was very excited, digging through the popcorn to get his much deserved prize.

There it was! He reached deep down into the box and pulled out a small piece of paper. With a big smile on his face, he tore the paper to reveal his prize. I watched as his smile quickly faded as he pulled out a small medal from the familiar Cracker Jack prize envelope.

"What is it?" I asked. He looked at me glumly and replied "a Nobel Peace Prize". He threw it on the table and started crying. "I wanted a sticker!".

"I'm sorry son", I said. "I'll go buy you a box of Lucky Charms. They have better free prizes."

Hating for the worthless object to go entirely to waste, I offered it to my daughter. "If you clean your room, I will give you the Nobel Peace Prize." A prize is a prize she must have thought and agreed to the deal.

A few hours later, I checked on the room and it was still a mess.

"You didn't clean your room" I said.

"Yeah, but I said I would" she replied.

Fair enough I thought and handed her the Nobel Peace Prize. She had earned it.

-From The Sprag Report

*****************

Two of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize contenders: Irena Sendler & Al Gore

Irena Sendler: During WWII, Irena, got permission to work in the Warsaw Ghetto, as a Plumbing/Sewer specialist. She had an 'ulterior motive' ... She KNEW what the Nazi's plans were for the Jews, (being German.) Irena smuggled infants out in the bottom of the tool box she carried and she carried in the back of her truck a burlap sack, (for larger kids..) She also had a dog in the back that she trained to bark when the Nazi soldiers let her in and out of the ghetto. The soldiers of course wanted nothing to do with the dog and the barking covered the kids/infants noises.. During her time of doing this, she managed to smuggle out and save 2500 kids/infants. She was caught, and the Nazi's broke both her legs, arms and beat her severely. Irena kept a record of the names of all the kids she smuggled out and kept them in a glass jar, buried under a tree in her back yard. After the war, she tried to locate any parents that may have survived it and reunited the family. Most had been gassed. Those kids she helped got placed into foster family homes or adopted.

Al Gore: Politcian who presented a slide show about the fictitious "crisis" Global Warming.

And the winner of the 2007 Nobel Peace Prize....


Al Gore.

Two of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize contenders: Greg Mortenson &. Barak Obama

Greg Mortenson: Son of a missionary, a former army Medic and mountaineer, he has made it his mission to build schools for girls in places where opium dealers and tribal warlords kill people for trying. His Central Asia Institute has built more than 130 schools in Afghanistan and Pakistan — a mission which has, along the way, inspired millions of people to view the protection and education of girls as a key to peace and prosperity and progress.

Barak Obama: Poltician famous for making eloquent and empty promises.


And the winner of the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize goes to....

Barak Obama.

This recepient has EVERYONE scratching their heads asking "what the hell has he done to bring about peace?"

The nomination for a Nobel Peace Prize had to be submitted by the second week in February. Obama had only been president for TWO WEEKS and already he was considered a catalyst for peace based purely on promises?

As an added bonus, Obama received the prize on the day he bombed the moon. How's that for a laugh?

********

There you have it folks, the worth of the Nobel Peace Prize is equivalent to the prize at the bottom of a box of cracker jacks.

Imaginings

We frequent the library and after each visit, Brock curls in up the overstuffed red chair in our living room to explore our literary plundering. He loses himself for hours in the illustrations and enriches his imagination with each story; each possibility that a litany of adventures present every time we read.
I worked at a public library for seven years and learned, first hand, the importance of reading to children; in enriching their imaginations; teaching them about anything and everything through the magic of bright illustrations and whimsical storytelling. As a parent, I'm working on instilling a love for reading in my little boy. So far, its working!

Oh. Yum.

Its considered uncouth to say "Yum" at the dinner table; uncouth and frankly a gross violation of every Miss Manners book ever published. However, when you're gathered around my table sharing a truly delectable feast, yum is apropos.
And what could be more delectably "YUM" than ooey-gooey, homemade cookies?

What is it about a rainy, conference weekend that prompts one to take up the apron strings and embrace domesticity? I probably went overboard, as I generally do, when I baked up three batches of cookies during the Saturday afternoon session of general conference.
Here is what I made and HOW I made them:

Gingersnap Cookies

2 cups flour
1 tbs ground ginger
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tsp of ground cloves
1/2 tsp salt

3/4 cup shortening
1 c sugar
1 egg
1/4 c molasses
1/3 c cinnamon sugar

1. Preheat oven to 350*
2. Sift the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, cloves, and salt in a mixing bowl. Set aside
3. Places the shortening in a separate mixing bowl and beat until creamy. Add the sugar; beat in the egg and molasses. Gradually add the flour mixture and mix until a soft dough forms.
4. Pinch off small amounts of dough and roll into 1" balls. Roll each ball in cinnamon sugar and place 2 " apart on an ungreased cookie sheet.
5. Bake until tops are rounded and slightly cracked, about 10 minutes. Cool on a wire rack.
6. YUM.

Chocolate-Chocolate Chip Cookies


1 Devil's Food Cake mix
1/2 c vegetable oil
2 eggs
1 c chocolate chips

1. Preheat oven to 350*
2. Mix all ingredients
3. Roll into 1" balls
4. Place on an ungreased cookie sheet
5. Bake for 10 minutes and cool on a wire rack.
6.YUM.

Oatmeal Country Hermits

2 c quick or old fashioned oats, uncooked
1 1/2 c sifted flour
1 c melted butter
1 c packed brown sugar
1/2 c chopped nuts
3/4 c raisins
1 egg
1/4 c milk
1 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp vanilla
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 t baking soda
1/4 tsp nutmeg

1. Preheat oven to 350*
2. In a mixing bowl, combine all ingredients
3. Drop batter by rounded teaspoons onto a foil-lined cookie sheet.
4. Bake 8-10 minutes or until lightly brown.
5. Cool on a wire rack.
6. YUM.